I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
