okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
