Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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