Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
