She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
