he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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