How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My hand turned me down
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
