Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
how does that bad decision feel?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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