I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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