Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Randomize
