This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
