got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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