life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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