Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
