i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
