We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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