You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
