You're a womanizer and a bitch.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
