Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
