I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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