Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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