i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
