sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His hands were made for my vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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