Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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