i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
