if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
