I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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