She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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