on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
