my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
