I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
