Sry I called you an 8
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize