And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
