You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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