just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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