I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
