you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
