Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
