I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
