he wants to bone in the snuggie
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
