i just wanna soil my oats bro
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
