i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
