i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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