Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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