headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
