Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
