You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize