Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
