Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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