soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
