The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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