theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
