No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize