it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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