You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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