Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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