You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
