she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
