I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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