i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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