look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
