The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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