I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize