I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
