I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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