I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
