maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I love you.
Bad choice
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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