Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
