why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
