dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
