It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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