if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
