I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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