you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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