So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
