just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
