My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
