Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
