new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
