So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
