Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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