His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize