I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
