i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
