Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
