Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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