Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize