i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
